*RaMbLiNgS fRoM tHe LiTtLe CrAcKeR!*

11:32pm: I'm here...
Sorry I haven't updated this journal lately, just seems like everybody I know has myspace so I just update that one. Sorry folks. I'm lazy.

www.myspace.com/jessiba

If you have one, feel free to add me. :)

I hope everybody is doing great. I hope your holidays rocked and this new year has been a great one so far.

That is all for now. Bye folks!

8:40pm: Moo bars are good...
I've been updating more on my myspace blog so read it if you like.

http://blog.myspace.com/jessiba

That is all.

8:16am: Tada...
Howdy folks! I know it's been a while, but I just haven't felt like posting anything. A lot has happened, but I haven't felt like talking about it on here.

Anyways, I'm up early as you can tell and it's because I woke up at 7:14am. For some reason the past couple days I've been going to bed early at night and waking up way early. To early for my liking. For some reason the past couple of days I get really tired around 8pm. It's no fun. Makes me feel old.

Anyways something has happened in the past week that I just can't let bring me down. It's not my fault and there's nothing I can do to change it. I just have to accept it whether I agree with it or not. It sucks having to say good bye to somebody you love and care about, but it seems like sometimes you just have to. It's so damn difficult. It's not like we decided on it or it was a mutual thing, we had to. That's the part that sucks the worst. We're going to try to keep emailing each other almost every day atleast, but you know how that can go. Somebody misses an email here and then the other one does and then every day becomes weekly and so on and so on. Just life and nobody ever said it was easy or fair, because it definitely isn't.

Anyways, by the middle of December my college applications will be sent in and that headache will be over with. That excites me majorly. That will take some of the stress away for Christmas. Then after Christmas I need a job. I really do, but it's going to be difficult having one when I'll need time off in Feb, May and sometime over the summer for college orientation. I'm still going to try and get one though and just let them know in the beginning I'll need time off.

Anyways the holidays are coming up and mine will be spent with just my parents like every day is. It won't be bad though. Our Christmas this year is going to be a lot better than the past two. Which wouldn't take much to do that. It's still going to suck a little that we can't spend it with the family. My sisters say they can't afford to come down and my aunt, uncle and grandma are going to one of my sister's house. So mom, dad and me will be spending turkey day and Christmas here. We can't leave. My parents run a mobile home park and if you leave, these people will go crazy. Not only that, we'd come back to half of our stuff being stolen. That's how bad it is. So it's all good. My sister Tracy and her family our going to try to come down in January and have our Christmas then. That'd be nice.

For turkey day I'll be making a cake and some fudge. I love baking and making sweets. It's like my escape from the world. I just go into the kitchen and all I worry about is what I'm making. It's rather nice. For like an hour I have nothing bothering me. Baking and sleep are my two escapes and I love both of them.

Anyways enough rambling from me, I'm hungry. I think I'll get ready and venture off to Hardee's or something for some breakfast. Have a great weekend everyone.

4:12am: I wanna be something more...
I was just sitting here thinking about a few things and I figured I'd update this damn thing.

I'm worried about Chris Hodes for one. He's stressing out a lot over something. It's something to do with school and that's all I know. I just wish we talked a lot more and not just small talk either. I remember the good old days where we could talk about anything and everything and for hours, but that day has gone and it leaves me sad and longing for those days again.

Sean was in a wreck a few months ago. He was rear ended by a female driver and it totalled his car. Well it hurt his back really badly so they had him in physical therapy for it and today the doctor told him he would have to see a chiropractor and a counselor. Why a couselor you ask? Because Sean now has anxiety attacks when he drives. He's embarrassed by it, but I told him it was normal. Which it is. Atleast he didn't just stop driving like some people do after getting into wrecks. I'm just proud of him for the fact that he didn't quit. That took a lot of guts. I just wish he understood that it's not embarrassing for him to have anxiety attacks now.

Lately I haven't really been eating a lot. Matter of fact I've been barely eating at all. I just do that sometimes. Food just doesn't seem very appealing now. I only eat now when I get really really hungry and know I should before I get a really bad stomach ache or a headache.

I just saw a commercial for "Titanic" and how they've released a special edition. On the special edition, there will be deleted scenes and all that good jazz and an alternate ending. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I said an alternate ending. I know you're probably thinking the same thing I am: How can you have an alternate ending to "Titanic"? I just don't know. I guess it will have something to do with Rose being an old lady and her granddaughter and Bill Paxton's character. I guess I'll have to search the internet and see what I can find about this alternate ending.

I've felt a lot better in the past 2 days then I have in a while. I've been happier and less stressed. I don't know why, but I'm loving it. I miss the old happy me. I really do. I'm just stuck in a life that I hate at this moment and it causes me to be something I don't like and don't want to be. I know a lot of people are probably saying change it, but it's not quite that simple. I can't really get out of this life until next August. At the very beginning of December I'll be taking a vacation from it, so maybe I'll be ok for a while after I get back. I can only hope so.

My parents turned the heater on this morning and it didn't work. So to make a long story short, our gas line outside has a small leak, so they had to turn it off, so we have no heat and we can't cook. How great is that. It won't be fixed until Thursday. Fuck the gas company people. Anyways, I'm sitting here bundled up in clothing and still freezing. It's not nice. I guess I'll soon go to bed and bundle up in my warm blankets and dream about you. Well you know what? I think I'll do that now. Good night folks.

I ♥ you!

5:18pm: I got 20 right! :)
Somebody sent this to me and I thought it was neato. So I'm going to share it with you.

The average person only gets 7 correct. This can be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little most of us really see!

There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known about all our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are harder than you think-- it just shows you how little we pay attention to the common place things of life.

Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer! Can you beat 20?? (The average is 7) Write down your answers as you go. Check answers (under the cut) AFTER completing all the questions.

REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!! BE HONEST!!! That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk....

Then, before you pass this on to your friends, change the number on the subject line to show how many you got correct. Forward to your friends and also back to the one who sent it to you.


LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE. - If not, just have fun!
Here we go!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colours are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?(Don't you dare get up to see!)

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?

11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

14. Which way do fans rotate?

15. How many sides does a stop sign have?

16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

17. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

21. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

22. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?

24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?


( Click here for the answers! )

11:58pm: Somebody save me...
Howdy folks! It's been so long since I've really updated this damn thing mostly because I haven't wanted to. I've had things on my mind and had things happen, but I just didn't really care to share them with everybody, but that's just typical me really. I hate sharing my feelings and I keep them bottled up. Yes, I know it's unhealthy for me, but I do it anyways. Stress is unhealthful for me to, but I'm really stressed right now. We'll get to why soon.

Anyways, my sister and her family came down here Monday and stayed until Thursday afternoon. I love seeing them, but it's nice when they leave. It's hard dealing with a 5 year old, a soon to be 3 year old and a soon to be 1 year old. They can drive you crazy rather quickly. My poor kitten, Tigger, hated more than I did. They picked on him and threw things at him. Everytime he'd walk by one of the kids or they walked by him, he would just hiss at them. He has no front claws now, so he had no way of really protecting himself. The kids were just really bad at times. Caity wasn't, but then again she's just about to be 1. She's so cute and getting so big. She can say Jessy. It's quite cute. One night she got so upset when I went outside and left her inside. It was so sweet and cute, and of course, sad at the same time. I miss the kids at times, but then I'm reminded of how bad they are. Not their fault though. Kids only do what their parents allow them to do. Speaking of their parents, my sister Tracy got upset with me because we didn't spend a lot of one on one time together. Not my fault. She wanted to do it at night when I was really sleepy and ready to go to bed. I haven't been sleeping good again, so when I'm sleepy, I go to sleep. Best thing to do for now.

It's starting to get colder here, so it's time to pull out the few warm clothes I have. I really need to buy some more. I really need a warm jacket. Both of my jackets are in Kentucky. That sucks majorly for me. Just going to have to go buy one I guess. I saw this fleece one at Target that I really like and it was only around $20. I may just have to go get it.

Anyways I'll be in Kentucky around the end of November and the beginning of December. I don't have any idea of what my plans really are at this moment. I know I'm going up there to look at colleges and see people along the way, but I'm not for sure which days I'll be where. That's something thats semi-stressing me out. I've got to make sure I'll have enough money for a rental car, gas, food and a hotel stay or two. Wish I could have some more money so I can be able to stay at a hotel more so I can see a certain person a little longer. I doubt I'll get that lucky though. I also want more money so I can go to the zoo in Cincy while I'm up in the area visiting NKU. I love zoos. They make me smile and relax me, and I'll need that why I'm there. This whole going back to college thing is just totally stressing me out, too much. There's so much involved in doing it. I've got to look into info about the colleges and then go look at their campuses. I need to get my applications ready and send them in. I've also got to get my ACT scores and my transcript sent. I've got to get my KEES money lined out. They said that I need to get a hold of a counselor at the high school I went to and they could get it lined out for me. Only having a cellphone is really shitty when having to call places like that. You use a lot of anytime minutes, but it all has to be done. I also need to try to pick a major soon. I'd like to before I send in my applications. I was going to do Elementary Education, but now it's probably going to be some Business major. Something I seem to know a lot about since in high school that was what all my electives were. If I do go with a Business major, I know that I'm going to go for my MBA. That's the smartest thing to do.

There's more things bothering me, but I really don't care to share them with people. For the past month, I've just been in this mood. I don't really feel like me and I don't feel like I actually have a grasp on things that are going on around me and stuff. It just feels weird. It could be the stress or something. Just wish it would go away.

I just want to add that Chris effin' rocks. I effin' love Chris. Today I haven't felt that great or anything and out of the blue I get a call from Chris and he's at the 3 Doors Down Concert in Evansville, and he called so I could hear part of a song. Made me smile and made my day better. Thank you very much Christopher Hodes! :)

That's all for now. I'll try to update more later. Have a great weekend everybody.

6:44pm: Stole this from Chris...Boredom made me do it!
8 Firsts...
First Best Friend: Allison..I had two friends named Allison at the same time.
First Boyfriend: Teddy is what I think his name is. His best friend was Jesse.
First Screen Name: Umm..who knows!
First Pet: A hamster named Juliet
First Piercing: My ears
First Crush: Ummm a guy named Chris in elementary school
First Music: Country...of course.
First Car: a black 1996 Plymouth Neon. I called her Black Beauty! Oh how I miss her!

7 Lasts...
Last Cigarette: April
Last alcoholic beverage: April
Last Car Ride: Yesterday coming home from shopping
Last Boyfriend: Sean
Last Movie Seen: Waterboy..I fucking love that movie! I can watch it over and over.
Last Phone Call: Sean
Last CD Played: Chevelle

6 Have You Evers....
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: Yessirs
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yessums
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Nope
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yessums
Have You Ever Been on TV: Prolly
Have You Ever Been in love: Yeppers

5 Things....

5 Things You're Wearing: I'm only wearing jeans, panties and a spaghetti strap shirt.
5 Things You've Done Today: slept, talked on the phone, watched tv, got online, and fed my kitten
5 Things You Can't Live Without: family, friends, cell phone, internet and food
5 places You've Been: Kentucky, Cali, Florida, Alabama, Texas

4 favorite things In NO Order
1. Pop rocks
2. Friends
3. Family
4. Cake

3 People You Can Tell *Almost* Anything To
1. Sean
2. Chris
3. My sister Tracy

2 Choices...
1. Black or Pink: Pink
2. Hott or Cute: Cute

1 Thing You Want to Do Before you die:
1. Just one? Hmmm...drive from the east coast to the west coast making sure I go to every state that I haven't been to before.

4:23am: I like ducks...
It didn't rain today, but even if it had, I don't think I would've noticed.

12:01am: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

3:51pm: I love Dum-Dums...
My birthday is in 10 days! Yay! I'll be 21.

My kitten, Tigger, is going to the vet on Tuesday. It's his first vet visit. He's getting shots and stuff. He'll prolly hate me for it, but it's got to be done.

I found out yesterday that my sister Tracy, my bro in law and the kiddos will prolly be visiting around the beginning of October. That makes me happy. I miss the kiddos. Alex will be 5 on October 4th. In November, Brea will be turning 3 and Caity will be turning 1. I can't believe Alex will be 5. He's getting so big. I have a picture of me holding him as a baby and it's hard to believe that it was almost 5 years ago. My other sister, Sharon, sent us pictures of Casey and Andy, and Casey is getting so big. He'll be 3 in November. The kiddos are starting to make me feel old and I'm only going on 21.

Most of the colleges I requested stuff from have finally sent me information. There's like 2 or 3 that haven't, but it's okay because I pretty much know which colleges I plan on applying to. Now that I have that figured out, I need to get my KEES money lined up and then I can start sending in applications. I also have to get my ACT scores sent to all the colleges I plan on applying to. I had them sent to UofL after I took them, so I'm curious if I need to resend them there. I need to call somebody about that.

Anyways, I've got things to do. I'll try to update more later. Have a great weekend everybody!

11:24pm: You = my kryptonite
I haven't been happy the past couple days. There's a mixture of things for why. I'm not stressed, because I can handle stress decently. It's more like bummed or semi-depressed. I don't know what's going on. I know that I'm on my period, so I'm very hormonal. I hate it. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away, and soon. I hate crying. I don't get angry much anymore and when I do, I usually end up crying. When I used to get angry, I used to be bad about throwing or hitting things or ripping things up, but now I usually cry. I guess crying is better than throwing or hitting things.

My birthday is in 23 days. We'll in a matter of minutes it will be 22 days. Either way, I'm not really looking foward to it. This is the first year that I'll be celebrating it with only my parents. I have no friends here really and no family here. Last year I spent it with my parents, my sister, my bro-in-law, my nephew and my niece. My birthday last year sucked somewhat because my bro-in-law's mom died that morning on my birthday, but I didn't make a big deal out of my birthday being shitty. I got to atleast spend it with family and my nephew, Alex. I miss him so much. Tonight I talked to him on the phone and he was like "Aunt Jessy when you going to come stay the night with me again?" and it broke my heart. I miss him so much. I wish I could spend my birthday with him. He's my little buddy. Has been since he was born. I miss watching "Veggie Tales" with him and then sing the songs with him. I actually have him and me singing a "Veggie Tales" song on my cellphone. It makes me smile everytime I hear it. Ok enough of this topic because it's making me want to cry.

There's a lot more I could say, but I just don't feel like it. Yea, I have an opinion about what's going on in New Orleans just like everybody else, but I just don't feel like talking about it. Matter of fact I think I'm done updating. I'll try to update soon. Bye folks.

3:50am: Blahness!
I deleted all my friends off here, if you want to be readded, leave me a comment saying so. Thanks!

8:58pm: Varoom Varoom....
My 21st birthday is in one month! Yay!

Some people suck! Some of you know what I'm talking about. For the people who dont, well ask me, and if I want to tell you, I will.

A friend of mine has been really whiny about everything lately, especially small stuff. I've tried helping him and talking to him, but he just keeps whining about how nobody cares. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be talking to him. He's always like "I want to die," and other stuff. It's starting to become so annoying to the point where you just don't want to care anymore. I've tried and tried to help, but he's still being a whiny bitch. If he wants to be so damn blind or whatever he's being, then he can keep being that way. I'm tired of tiring to help.

I hate rain delays during NASCAR events. It's rather boring and they talk to everybody, two or three times if they have to. Right now they are showing a past Cup race during a Busch race rain delay. Oh fun stuff.

I'm still waiting on some more colleges to send me stuff, but I've pretty much got an idea of which ones I want to apply to. Just got to get my transcripts and ACT scores sent to them, feel out the applications and the damn FAFSA form, and get my KEES money lined up, and then all will be good. It's not going to be as hard as I thought it was. Even if it will be hard, I shouldn't stress about it because stress is not good.

There's a hurricane named Katrina down in the gulf and it's a category 2. She hit the tip of Florida as a Category 1, but the question now is where is her next target? Could this be the 4th hurricane I go through? Meteorologist are predicting that it could. Supposedly it will prolly hit us Sunday. Fun stuff for me. Right now its a category 2, and it will prolly strengthen. Yay.

Well I'm hungry and the Busch race is about to resume or so they say. So I'm going to put a pizza in the oven and watch the race. Bye people!

3:58pm: Something I stole from Lin...

The Random Question Meme!

An array of completely random questions about my friends!

When was the last time you talked to hemwick?

It's been a while!

Have you ever suspected ogt_92_40701 of being a lifelike robot?

No, but I've suspected him of other things. Most of them were true!

Have you ever seen lonely_prince naked?

Not totally naked, no. Parts of him, yes. That's all I'll reveal.

It's all _eshe_'s fault, isn't it?

Yes, it is. Damn Lin. It's all your fault! Hehe! Actually it's all Sean's fault. It's just fun and easier to blame him! Hehe.

Can dreamcatc raise the dead to perform common household tasks?

No, but he needs to learn to! Hehe! Either that or date somebody who loves to! Hehe!

This is by heptadecagram. You can find your own completely random questions here.

Do you feel enlightened now?

Enlightened, not so much. Sleepy? Why yes I do. Nap time for me and prolly my kitty.

7:06am: Wtf? I'm awake...
It's around 7am and for a change I've already been to sleep and now I'm awake. Yay! My date wore me out last night! Hehe. The nervousness and the excitment did. For all of you who are wondering about my date, since I didn't talk to any of you last night, my date was good. We went to a Mexican restaurant where they had a live mariachi band playing. It was great because they played the "Looney Tunes" theme song and the "Macarena" and they also came by every table playing songs for people! That part was fun. Then we went to get ice cream. I didn't eat any. You guys know how I am when I get nervous, food is actually the last thing on my mind. So we sat outside and talked while Robert ate his ice cream. That was nice. Anyways we have a park here called Blount Cultural park. It has the Shakespeare festvial and a Museum of Fine Arts in it, and Robert was kind enough to drive me through it and let me see it. That park was absolutely gorgeous. Then he had to pee so we went to his house and ended up playing a video game. We played "Midnight Club", which is a racing game, but we didn't race each other. We had it in the mode where you just drive around the city. We kept looking for neato jumps and we kept chasing each other. During this whole time we were laughing and making jokes. That was probably when I was being mostly me and the nervousness went away. Well after playing that game for about an hour, he drove me home and we hugged. I had a nice time and he's a really nice guy. He would open doors for me and open the car door for me. Very polite. It was nice. Oh yeah, his tv fucking rocks. Anyways I'd really like to hang out with him again, it was fun.

After I got home last night, mom bombarded me with questions, like "Did you have fun?", "Did you guys hold hands?", pretty much the typical mom stuff. After I answered those, I grabbed a bottle of water and my kitty and headed to bed. That was when something scary happened. I was laying down in bed trying to sleep and the kitten kept making a lot of noise. Well I thought he was just playing with my shoe, but then I heard him breathing weird and saw him acting weird. So I turned the light on and got up and he had gotten his collar in his mouth while it was still around his neck. I picked him up and ran for my mom. We had to cut his collar off. One of his claws was bleeding from where he was trying to get it off himself. He was fine right after we took it off. He became his usual spoiled little kitty and wanted to play. He doesn't act like anything is bothering him today. So Yay!

Anyways I have this craving for a big ass cheeseburger. It's 7amish and I want a cheeseburger. Typical Jess! :) I am really hungry though, so I think I'll find myself venturing to the kitchen here in a couple minutes. I have an email I want to write first.

I hope everybody has a great day today. Some of you are starting classes at college today, some of you are working, but if you're me, you're doing neither, but hopefully we'll all have a great day today. For the people who start classes today, good luck. Well now that I have said that, I will venture off and do what I find necessary. Bye everybody! :)